Short and not so sweet

The Suicide

The knife plunged into the depths of my chest; it twisted in one complete three sixty degree rotation and remained stationary, though indefinitely. All the blood got directed towards the knife creating an insurmountable pressure; my chest was going to explode. The nerves around the wound cracked with the increasing pressure; ironically, elsewhere the nerves shrunk due to immediate dryness or maybe I just felt so.

From crimson to dark, then turning into an ugly shade of maroon the blood was gushing fearlessly out of me leaving me alone; it was ‘my blood’ and now it was leaving me as if it wanted to free itself from a sinful being as me or maybe I just felt so.

But at this thought, I felt happy for my blood for it had finally achieved freedom. And here I was marooned upside-down with myself. I could realize that every part of me was evacuating me in a hurry to be liberated, I could sense their joy of getting alienated from me and rightly so, for I was a sinful being or maybe I thought so.

My vision was travelling fast into a spectrum of darkness, my audible prowess was diminishing into nothingness, my physicality was declining alarmingly and all this to relieve myself from myself, or maybe because I just thought so.

And for one final time, gathering all strength, the knife took another circle and I finally knew that the proceedings of ultimate relaxation were finally completed, or maybe I just thought so… because I don’t know why, somehow this world was nothing but a train always ready to run over me.

I was lost

Though I was there but I wasn’t; though I was laughing but I wasn’t; though I could hear you talking about your grievances but I couldn’t; though I was watching a video with you but I wasn’t; though you demanded my full attention but I couldn’t, and though you thought I was happy living alone but unfortunately I wasn’t. 

I let time fly by like an unnerving entity; I let myself indulge in acts which hampered my dignity; I cried for reasons where I could’ve avoided it; I sat in silence but with peace devoid of it; I felt creativity pushing its pistons on me and I found myself running far away from me.

I embraced laziness as if it were my only love; I slipped past as its slave into its dirty gloves; I regretted my current slavery yet I was helpless; I didn’t feel like repelling as I loved its ominous calmness;  I failed to understand whether it was a boon or a bane but deep down I knew, wasting this time would later give me much pain.